


the grass is greener on the other side

by duaa



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 2 [10]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post AA, Virgil Centric Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24484990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duaa/pseuds/duaa
Summary: Virgil has a panic attack.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 2 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748965
Comments: 8
Kudos: 64
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	the grass is greener on the other side

Virgil gasped, hand griping the bedpost. Oh god, no, no, no, no, he was _dying_! He grasped at his throat, panting. He couldn't breath, his chest was collapsing and his lungs were punctured and his throat was closed off and he was _choking_ and his head was pounding from the lack of air, he couldn't breath, he couldn't see! What would happen to Thomas if he died, oh no, no, no he would get himself killed, oh no, fuck fuck fuck - he couldn't see, oh god. 

No, no, no, NO!

No, he couldn't just abandon Thomas, oh fuck, no, he needed to live, oh fuck, his chest was tightening, he couldn't breath - his throat was constricting slowly, no, no, no, no! Why was it so hot, oh god, it was so, so, so hot, oh dear god, he was falling, was he falling, oh no he couldn't breath he was DYING! His hands grasped at his carpet, shaggy fibres enveloping his fingers. His head tingled with pain as he gasped for air again, he couldn't die! Oh fuck, no, no, no. He curled his fingers, trying to dig his nails into his palms, only to be met with more strands of thread, catching his fingers. What if he died right now? The coldness from the carpet seeped into his face, cheek pressed against it uncomfortably. 

Wait.

He was doing it. He was breathing! Okay, okay, he wasn't going to die. It's fine, he's alive. He wasn't sure how long he laid there for, carding his hand through the carpet. Once he felt slightly more alive, he crawled up his bed, burrowing under the covers. He held onto his pillow, feeling absolutely miserable. At least before he left, Janus would be there for him. Remus would be there for him. They pull him onto the couch or someone's bed and hold him tight, stroking his hair and back. They'd talk and fill the empty silence with meaningless chatter, diverting Virgil's attention. Even if he was cooped up in his room like now, they'd always know. Somehow. He missed them. 

So, so much.

There was a gaping hole in his chest, in his life. As much as he liked the light sides, he missed Janus and Remus. A lot. He missed stumbling into the kitchen in the morning and slumping against Janus. He missed going into the Imagination for Remus to immediately pop up, holding his hand and dragging him along. He missed watching silent films and ad-libbing the dialogue with them. He missed drinking whisky in the rain with Remus and then falling back inside Janus' room, making him dance with them. He missed Janus' snark. He missed Remus' outbursts. He missed making fun of them when they knew he didn't mean it. 

The light sides weren't like that. They were all so... separate. Patton would only ever bake when he wanted. Roman would only ever watch movies when he wanted. Logan would only ever talk when he wanted. They didn't eat lunch or dinner together. No one waited for anyone at breakfast. They didn't have scheduled movie nights or game nights or anything of the sort. It never rained. Roman never let him inside his Imagination, and when he did, he was far, far, far away. Patton never held him close. Logan never conversed with him, no teasing remarks. 

They never came for him. They never checked up on him. They never checked up on Logan. They never checked up on Roman. They never checked up on Patton. They never had sleepovers.

Virgil was so, so alone. So he crossed his legs when they should be tangled with Remus'; clutched himself when his arms should be around Janus; laid ramrod still when he should be curled up against someone and tried to sleep. He did this after all, this was what he wanted, and now he had it. He pushed them away, and it was his fault.

He made his bed, and now he had to lay in it.

**Author's Note:**

> lmk if you see a typo!  
> hope you like it ❤️💕


End file.
